by Joyce Henderson, RN

REPLACING NEGATIVE SELF-TALK WITH POSITIVE

I can't do it.I've never done it before.

Doing something new is frightening, but exciting as hell. I don't have to do it perfectly the first time.

They're not here, they must have had an accident.

There's a logical reason for their lateness. It must be traffic.

I wish I were more attractive.

This outfit is great, but for someone else. I'll keep looking until I find what's right for me.

I'll never be able to handle all this work.

I can build on success. My previous performance earned me extra responsibility. I can do this.

Accept-learn to accept what you cannot change. You may need to redefine priorities and how best to meet them. For many people, over-committed translates into overwhelmed. Respect your time and energy as much as you respect others. Learning to say "no" actually helps you to do more by doing less, but doing it better. Part of being in control of stress in your life also involves learning to say "no," or if that is still too difficult, try: "I'm sorry; your invitation sounds appealing, but there isn't time in my schedule." Or, "While I would ordinarily jump at this opportunity, this isn't a good time for me to take on anything extra." Or, "You can't afford my services." Phrases like these allow you to graciously decline, without using the word. "No."

Communicate your needs clearly and openly, using "I" statements, "I want," "I need," "I choose to." Become aware of the demands you place on yourself. Demands are a source of strength, especially when they are unrealistic. When you accept others, yourself and situations as they truly are, you can become more effective in dealing with them.

Next Page: Developing a "Stress Log"